A colleague of mine, Robin Mohilner, recently asked a support group she leads for people struggling with bipolar disorder their thoughts on having a therapist self-disclose and the prevalent myth in our field that “if people know your story and that you continue to struggle, you cannot truly be of service.”

One of the unfortunate consequences of being human is that people naturally veer toward dogma when faced with the alternative of having to think hard about a difficult topic. As counselors we are taught the mantra of “serving our clients and not ourselves.” Self-disclosure is vilified, as it can easily lead to therapy being a place for the therapist to receive help instead of the client. We are taught to never self-disclose — to be a “blank slate” where in a room of two people, only the client exists.

Unfortunately, reality is not nearly so tidy. You are in the room with the client, and you are a person too. Your experiences inform your work far more than your schooling or theoretical orientation. Disclosing what you have experienced should not be written off as a cardinal sin, but rather examined as a powerful tool. In a sense, you are always self-disclosing. Even when you choose to not narrate the details of your experience, your experience defines who you are with your client. The question, then, is not whether to self-disclose, but rather how — ask yourself whether providing specific details would be helpful or harmful to the client.

Sometimes therapists will counter with something to the effect of “but if you can’t be sure, you’re better off just keeping it to yourself.” This is half true. If you are hesitant about a response, it is often (and I would argue usually) best to think and feel more on the topic before moving forward. But choosing your words is far different from embracing a dogma of silence. While sharing nothing might prevent you from making certain mistakes, it will also prevent you from ever doing your best work.

What are your thoughts? Do share below!